🌈 Guide: Support and information for LGBTQ+ youth and allies

Everyone deserves a safe and loving world to live and grow in, regardless of their sexual orientation, who they love, or their gender identity and expression. At ImportaMí, we want you to feel welcome, supported and free to be your true self. 

Many people are taught from a young age about gender, such as masculinity and femininity, and how society expects us to act, think, and feel based on gender. However, we may not fit into these boxes, and that's okay! It's normal to have questions about your identity, including your gender identity, sexual identity, how you express yourself, and more. If you find yourself questioning or feeling confused about who you are, remember that you are not alone!  

In this article, find information to answer the following questions: 

1. 💑 What are gender identity and sexual orientation?   
2. 🏳️‍🌈 What does LGBTQ+ mean?
3. 🗣️ How do I talk to my family/sponsor about gender identity and sexual orientation?
4. 🧏 I don’t identify as LGBTQ+, but I’d like to support my friends/family as an ally. What can I do? 

If you or someone you know needs help immediately or is in a crisis, please see our hotline page here. 

For a list of helpful national LGBTQ+ resources, click here. 

 

1. 💑 What is gender identity and sexual orientation? 

When we talk about identity, we’re talking about all of the details and pieces of your story that make you... you! The things that you like and dislike, the languages that you speak, your nationality, religion, cultures that you celebrate, race, ethnicity, social class, gender identity, sexual orientation, spirituality, and the journeys that you have taken in your life... all of these things (and more) help make up your identity.  

Identities grow and change over time, and it’s normal to feel confused or questioning about your identity.  

⭐ To understand gender identity and sexual orientation, here are a few important definitions: 

• Sex assigned at birth ➡️ Sometimes people confuse this with gender. Sex assigned at birth is the sex that is declared when a person is born. It is based on physical/biological characteristics, and is usually listed on the person’s birth certificate. 
• Gender identity ➡️ While sex assignment is something that someone else (for example, a doctor) assigns to you, gender is all about your own personal experience and how you feel on the inside. Here are some important things to keep in mind about gender:
  • • Gender can be experienced on a scale, and everyone’s experience is different.
    • Some people learn that there are only two genders (male and female), but it’s completely normal and okay if your gender identity doesn’t fit in those two boxes. 
    • Your gender identity may be the same as the sex you were assigned at birth, or it might be different! If your assigned sex and gender identity are the same, you probably identity as cisgender, or cis for short. If your assigned sex and gender identity are different, you might identify as transgender, nonbinary, genderqueeer, and more.   
• Sexual orientation ➡️ While gender identity is about your own life experience and how you feel about yourself, sexual orientation is how you feel about other people. Keep in mind that love comes in so many different forms, and attraction to another person can be physical, emotional, romantic, sexual, etc. Here are some important things to remember about sexual orientation:
  • • You might be attracted to people of the opposite gender or people of the same gender as you. You might be attracted to all genders, or you might not be attracted to anyone. All of these sexual orientations are normal and wonderful.
    • Your sexual orientation might change over time!
    • Some words that refer to different sexual orientations are straight, bisexual, lesbian, gay, asexual, and many more.  

⭐ How do I know what my gender identity is? 

Remember that identity can be a lifelong journey; your identity will change and develop and grow over your entire life. This can sometimes be really confusing, and it’s normal to feel unsure or question different parts of your identity. Thinking about your gender identity as three different parts might help you explore how you feel about your gender identity. The three parts of gender identity are: 

1. Identity ➡️ words that best capture YOUR internal gender experience (not what others think). How do you feel on the inside? 
2. Body ➡️ how you feel about your body and how you gender yourself based on your body. A lot of people think gender is only about our bodies, but remember that this is only one piece of a much larger picture!
3. Social ➡️ the ways others can see how you express your gender. This can include hairstyles, makeup, clothing, how you talk or walk, etc.  

⭐ If you can think about these three parts, gender can be a little bit less confusing and a bit easier to understand. Each of these categories is a spectrum, and you can fall anywhere within these or not at all! Some questions to ask yourself at different stages of life and while exploring your gender are: 

• What emotions do I feel when I think about my gender identity?
• How would I like to express my gender identity if I could express myself in any way that I want?
• What kinds of things in relation to gender identity make me feel most like myself? What things make me feel happy? What things make me feel sad or scared?
• How do I know what my sexual orientation is?

⭐ Remember that attraction comes in many forms, and that it can change over time. Some questions that you can ask yourself to explore your sexual orientation are: 

• Who do I want to build relationships with? 
• What types of relationships do I want to build with different people (friendship, romantic, sexual, etc.)?
• What people do I want to get to know better?
• What makes me feel close to other people?
• How do I feel around different types of people? What people make me feel safe/loved/myself/excited? What people make me feel sad/insecure/unsafe/not myself?
• Do I want to have a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone? If yes, who do I want to experience these relationships with? 

 

2. 🏳️‍🌈 What does LGBTQ+ mean? 

LGBTQ+ is a term that is usually used to refer to the community of people who identity as something other than cisgender or straight (note: straight/heterosexual refers to the sexual orientation of being attracted to someone of the opposite gender). The letters stand for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer (or questioning) and more.  

• The plus sign (+) symbolizes the many other possible identities.  
• Keep in mind that LGBTQ+ is just one way to refer to people who are not cisgender and/or straight. You may hear other versions of LGBTQ+ (like LGBTQIA+, which includes intersex and asexual) and not everyone in the non-straight/non-cisgender community may choose to identify with these acronyms.  

 

3. 🗣️ How do I talk to my family/sponsor about gender identity and sexual orientation? 

Choosing to talk about your gender identity and/or sexual orientation with someone is a personal decision. Sharing with your sponsor, family, or anyone else close to you can bring up a lot of emotions. For many unaccompanied children, this can feel terrifying and stressful. Remember that choosing to share is your choice, and your choice alone. You do not have to talk about your gender identity/sexual orientation with anyone if it makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. However, having allies that you can share your experience with can be a powerful tool. Having someone to talk to that can encourage you and give you support can be really helpful! 

Here are some questions to think about to help make you feel more comfortable and prepared when you talk about your identity: 

• Who are the family members and/or trusted adults in my life that I feel safe with? Who do I have in my life that supports me no matter what? 
• What would I like to say to the people in my life about my identity? 
• How do I want the people I share with to react? 
• What are the possible ways that the people I share with might react? 
• How do I want to prepare for this conversation? 

If you don’t feel ready to talk to a family member about your identity, there may be other trusted adults that you could speak to. Do you feel safe talking to your school counselor or case worker? These could be good options of people to talk to, and they can help you feel more comfortable and prepared for when you talk about your identity with your family or sponsor. 

Important: Sometimes the people that we talk to about our identity may not react that way that we want them to react. This can feel very hurtful, and it’s not your fault. Like all human beings, you deserve to be loved, accepted, and safe. If you feel like your safety as someone who identifies as LGBTQ+ is at risk, check out our LGBTQ+ resources page or contact us for help connecting with local resources that can help keep you safe.  

 

4. 🧏 I don’t identify as LGBTQ+, but I’d like to support my friends/family as an ally. What can I do? 

Maybe you found your way to this article because there is someone in your life who identifies as LGBTQ+ and you would like to support them. Whether you are a sponsor/parent looking to support your child, or you are a youth looking to support a friend, sibling, or family member, there are things you can do to help the people in your life feel comfortable and supported.  

1. 🗣️ If conversations about LGBTQ+ topics are new to you, it’s normal that it can feel strange or scary. You might feel afraid of saying the wrong thing, or not know what to say at all. Generally, it’s okay to be honest about these feelings! You can tell them that this is a new conversation for you, that you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, or even that you aren’t sure what to say at all. It’s very possible that the other person feels similarly, and acknowledging these feelings and worries can help make everyone more comfortable. It also gives them an opportunity to tell you what they need from you. They might not need you to say the “perfect” thing... they might just need a hug and for you to tell them that you are there for them. 
2. 🫂 Reassure them. Remember that while you might feel nervous or uncomfortable having this conversation, is possible that your loved one/friend is terrified and that it might have taken a lot of courage for them to talk about this with you. Remind them that their gender identity and/or sexual orientation doesn’t change the way that you feel about them, and that you love/care for/respect them.
3. 📚 Get educated! It’s hard to have a supportive conversation about something that you don’t understand. And if gender identity and sexual orientation are new topics for you or you’re feeling confused... that’s okay! It’s never too late to learn. There are so many resources and guidebooks that you can help you learn more. Check out this list for resources and guidebooks.
4. 🙋🏽‍♀️ Ask respectful questions. Show your interest and support by asking questions like:
   • • How can I support you?
     • Would you like to keep this private between the two of us?
     • Have you told anyone else?
     • What pronouns would you like me to use when I refer to you?
     • How are you doing? What has this journey been like for you?
5. 🙃 You may feel a wide range of emotions when someone you care for opens up to you about their LGBTQ+ identify. Some emotions that you could feel are respect, love, worry, discomfort, confusion and more. If you need some time to process and figure out how you’re feeling, that’s okay. Thank the person for their trust in you and acknowledge their bravery and honesty. Then check with them to see if they’re okay giving you some time to process, or if they’re willing to answer some questions you have. Remember that they wouldn’t be having this conversation with you if they didn’t care about you, and your acceptance probably means a great deal to them.  

Whether you are a youth navigating your own identity journey, or you are an ally trying to understand how to support someone else, there are many people and organizations that exist to help you. To find a list of national and local organizations that provide support for LGBTQ+ youth and their families, click here.  

 

Sources: 

The Trevor Project. (Accessed February, 2025). The Coming Out Handbook. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/guide/the-coming-out-handbook/ 

Human Rights Campaign Foundation. (October 2022). Being an LGBTQ+ Ally. https://reports.hrc.org/being-an-lgbtq-ally#introduction